Meeting the Vicar with Children from previous relationship

We received this question in via email, and with Faye's permission I thought I would publish her question and our Resident Rev's answer for all our readers to see. Remember if you have a question about marriage or your wedding day, you can click 'add comment' at the top of this post and the Resident Rev will do her very best to answer your query as soon as possible.

Faye's Question

Hi Jan, I hope you can help me, I have a couple of questions to ask you. I have recently got engaged to my partner. We'd like, I think to be married in his local parish church. Neither of us have been married before but I feel a bit nervous about meeting the local vicar as I have two children from previous relationships and feel a bit worried about bringing it up! Am i being silly? Will it cause any problem for us to be married in a church? Also, I live in a different parish to him, but don't attend my local parish church. My children go to a church in yet another parish, my eldest was blessed there when she was a baby, we since moved away from that parish but my daughters still go to that church. I have to admit my mum takes them the majority of the time and I catch up on the housework while they're not here! Will this cause a problem with the Banns? Will its still be my parish church that have to read the Banns or could it be the one that my children attend, as well as of course my partners parish church? Thanks for your time, I hope you can advise me. Faye.

The Resident Reverend - Jan Harney's response
Hi Faye
Thanks for getting in touch and I want to reassure you right away that you are, in fact, LEGALLY entitled to get married in your fiancées church because he lives in the parish and neither of you have been married before.

The same would apply if you wanted to get married in your local parish church. It doesn't matter that you don't attend at the moment, though the Vicar would love to think that you might in the future but there is no obligation for you to do so,

Yes Banns will have to be read in both those churches.

The fact that you have children and they attend another church is not an issue. I recently married a couple in your situation and the bride's daughter was a bridesmaid and read a poem in the service.

A different couple I married didn't mention the fact that they had a daughter in case they offended me! But to be honest this is more commonplace than you think nowadays.

So go and see the Vicar and be peaceful about it. He or she is not there to judge you and I'm sure it will be apparent that this time you mean business and want to commit yourself to your partner.

Marriage prep might be a good investment of your time and help you sort out a few parenting issues that might arise. Better to sort them out hypothetically and rationally than when situations actually do arise and emotions are involved.

Many thanks and I hope it goes well for you

Jan