If you are reading this because you are planning a wedding then according to the Office of National Statistics you are in the minority as fewer people choose to tie the knot. And everyone has their own version of why that should be the case.
Politicians blame the tax system, Academics say that young people are wary of commitment, Lawyers are quoted as saying that people mistakenly think that if they live together they are protected by Common Law rights and others say that the cost of weddings is to blame. Most of the newspapers invite reader comment and there are some sad comments about divorce. And of course there is a cynical joke going around about 'next time finding a woman I don't like and giving her my house....'
There is clearly not one answer to all this. Yes we know that divorce is expensive painful - so is childbirth but we keep on producing offspring. And (as I understand it) unless a couple are married, the father is not legally the next of kin to either his partner or the children - her parents are.
Yes weddings can be expensive - but they don't have to be. The price of a church wedding is around £300 without the trimmings. As far as I'm concerned that is the actual wedding - the rest is gravy! I mean that in the nicest possible way as I love being at the wedding show and seeing all the glitz and glamour. I always get to sample the amazing cakes and admire the outfits and vintage cars - and in true 'Dibley' style I tend to hang around the chocolate fountains but have not yet had the guts or the gall to stick my head in!
Of course it is lovely to have a fabulous affair - the important thing is not to go looking for a fabulous 'affaire' afterwards and jepardise your relationship which is probably the reason most marriages fail before they've even been paid for.
I don't know the figures for the numbers of divorces of those who had Civil Marriages (66% apparently) versus those who married in Church. It would be difficult to compare properly. But I do know - having been at both - that there is a huge difference in the feel of the ceremony.
So far (Praise God) all the people whose weddings I officiated at are still together and I'm delighted that they are. When I stand and ask God's blessing on them it is a hugely potent moment and I always believe them when they look into each other's eyes and swear to stay together until death parts them.
For me a Church wedding is the best possible start to a marriage. If that is not possible then a Blessing service is always an option. A church wedding permits me the opportunity to warn the parents not to interfere (well some do need to hear it) and to ask all the friends and relatives gathered to verbally promise their support for the couple. That's a great thing to hear. It brings a whole new dimension that is just not there in a hotel.
I know I'm biased but I don't think you can ever get enough blessings and I will continue to pray for 'my' couples. I've got two more couples coming for supper tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to their weddings and honoured to be their chosen Minister.
So enough of my verbal rantings. But I'd like to end with this... In spite of the prophets of doom I am still optimistic about marriage. I think it is the best possible basis for a relationship and the best possible basis for bringing up children.
I am confident that my husband loves me - he's hung around for 32 tears and he assures me that he does. But I have the added blessing of the love of another - who believes in me wholeheartedly, loves me unconditionally and was willing to lay down his life for me. It's a love affair that started before the creation of the world and the only 'affair' I can recommend. That is one knot I never want to be undone. He has a great house too...
So if you didn't get to church this Easter do pop in and see your local Vicar sometime - who's bound to have time for you if the rumours are right about dwindling congregations. And he or she will be honoured to ask God's blessing on your marriage and wrap you in his love. That's something that all the politicians, academics and lawyers in the world can't legislate against.
Comments
Hello!
I was born in Colchester & lived there with my parents until 2005-2006. My partner & I have now bought a house together in Chelmsford. We have now lived there for 10 months. I spoke to the vicar this afternoon, who said we should marry in Chelmsford as this is now our parish and also if we married in Colchester we would have to apply for a special licence which is quite expensive. My Mum is not happy about this as she wants us to marry in Colchester. We want to marry in Chelmsford but Mum said that people won't come as it is too expensive to pay for taxis or for accomodation. She also said my Auntie won't come as she is in a wheelchair and gets tired but I am sure she would still come. My partners Grandma is really elderly and sick and she is coming all the way from Belgium bless her.
I feel really upset and worried because I don't know which is the right thing to do and already I am making other people unhappy.
What should I do?
Emma
Hi Emma
I'm so sorry - I've only just found this as it wasn't in the usual place for a question.
You don't say when you want to marry - but if you hold fire for a few months you will be able to apply to the church in Colchester when the new marriage measure comes into place. Hopefully this will happen in the autumn.
If you want to move more quickly then Yes a Special Licence might be expensive but it sounds as if it's worth it to smooth things over with the family.
The main thing is not to let all this get you down. You'll never please everybody.
warmest regards
Jan