Is adultery the end of marriage?

I was intrigued by a comment that popped up on the side of my computer screen this morning saying “Adultery is not the end of marriage.” The link led to an American MSNBC news article about a website called Ashley Maddison, which is causing a few ripples across The Pond. The website is the brainchild of Noel Biderman, an American businessman who is making a crock of gold out of a crock of … Well, out of promoting serial infidelity. Enough said.

Apparently his organisation is running an advert on TV showing a woman having dinner with her inattentive husband. She makes eye contact with another bloke across the room and a voiceover assures her that it is time to explore the website.

Their billboard in Times Square last summer was even more direct. “Life is Short. Have an Affair.”

But the website and blatant advertising has caused outrage among some Americans in a reaction from what the columnist referred to as their ‘collective moral compass.’ Although extra-marital affairs have always gone on, probably in the majority of countries around the world, most people would see it as a sad indictment of human weakness – not a pastime to be celebrated, encouraged and actively promoted.

Like most advertising, the Ashley Maddison message is simple and direct. In a recent media interview, Biderman suggests that offering sex gets women attention from men! Does he think this is news?

Women have been aware of that fact since the beginning of time.
The problem, of course, is that attention of this nature is vain, shallow and superficial.
Just what most women don’t want!

Biderman claims that the attention boosts women’s self esteem. How arrogant.
A woman with any level of self esteem would tell him exactly where to log off!
But then he’d probably laugh all the way to the bank.

Is adultery the end of marriage? Well technically yes, because one party has broken their marriage vows. Adultery also breaks down trust and respect, both of which could have a terminal effect on any relationship. Statistics prove that many marriages simply don’t survive it.

And my experience of couples who have had an affair – then left their marriages and got together - is that they are both fully aware that the other person is capable of deceit and they feel insecure in case it happens again, so they watch out for the signs. That’s hardly a strong foundation to build a new relationship upon.

There is often a guilt element too about the casualties that they caused when they got together. They may well have sacrificed family and friends in order to be together, so expectations will be unrealistic about the perfection of the new situation.

Most clichés are well-known truths and it is a hard lesson to find that the grass is not greener in other people’s gardens. Better to stay put and put some TLC into your own lawn. (Apparently chicken manure is very good for gardens and is available free if you keep hens. No need to invest in what Mr Biderman and others like him are marketing which is the same thing but perfumed!) Sorry Bishop – but this makes me angry.

As we say in the marriage service “Those whom God has joined together, let no-one put asunder”. Our old Vicar used to glare fiercely around when he said those words and I can now see why. There are enough stumbling blocks freely available to any young couple without paying for the privilege of a big Fall. There are lots of snakes out there and the internet provides the perfect apple tree from which they can crawl.

Fortunately Love is the most enduring and powerful of all emotions, and marriages can survive infidelity. Like broken bones, they can sometimes be stronger in the broken places afterwards. But this is too risky to assume.

God’s forgiveness is perfect.
Humans are flawed – we can choose to forgive but we can rarely forget.
My advice, for what it is worth, is - just don’t go there.