Staying together

They say everyone has their 15 minutes of fame in life. I added about 15 seconds to my tally a couple of Sundays ago when I appeared briefly on the Heaven & Earth show in a pre-recorded interview filmed in church.

The subject was the availability of on-line divorces and I said lots of things to camera but most of them were obviously deemed not sensible or appropriate for that particular programme. Ah well. Maybe I can say them here...

I'm not in favour of speedy divorces. Probably because I'm in the business of trying to help people stay together. After all, in the marriage service the couple vow to stay together as long as they both live and breathe - and I think that promise needs to be taken seriously.

But there's something else. We pray in the marriage service that the couple will become 'one flesh'. That's a spiritual bonding which is very hard to break. So while it might be easy to walk away physically there is often a reluctance to throw away the link. Sometimes it might manifest itself by a couple fighting over an article which is seemingly worthless. But maybe what they are both desiring to hold onto is the memory of happier times evoked by the item.

I also feel that the divorce process is the only time when some couples are obliged to listen to and acknowledge their own shortcomings. These things can be growth points though they might be painful to hear.

What a pity that the discussions don't take place within the marriage and the two parties have an opportunity to change some of their behavioural patterns to improve the relationship. More honest debate might save some of the marriages that are thrown away so easily now and would be more easily dispensed with at a click of a mouse button online.

It's good to talk. Sitting down over a meal is the right time for discussion. It's one good practice modelled by Jesus and it works. People are more relaxed over food and more ready to discuss and ponder issues if they are brought up calmly and objectively rather than in the heat of an argument. Try this with your partner - and your children if you have them.Keep conversation open and flowing and get things that are problems out into the open before they fester and grow into huge issues that seem insurmountable.

And last but definitely not least, don't underestimate the power of prayer. Even if it's simply a cry for help to a God you're not sure you even believe in. Families who pray together are more likely to stay together. That makes it worth a try in my book.