Mrs Cardigan's Column

To Love and to cherish

“Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” was the wise advice given to me by a grateful woman who had been happily married for 40 years. She warned: “and don’t look for faults either, you will only find them.”

As our wedding day gets closer, and more importantly the married life that will follow, I have begun to listen out for words of wisdom from those who have already travelled that road ahead of me. I want to know what ‘successful’ married couples know. And for me a ‘successful’ marriage means one in which the couples still like and respect each other. There are some married couples who are still together and love each other but don’t seem to like each other much. I want more than that. Then of course there are those couples who really can’t seem to stand each other and engage in tit for tat bickering at every public opportunity. I certainly don’t want that.

The idea of having a note book at the wedding ceremony for qualifying contributors to add their thoughts on successful marriage has some appeal. It would be lovely to read their ideas later and have as a keepsake. My old pal and Newlyweds resident Rev Jan Harney and her longstanding hubby Garry still seem to like each other. She once told me “we’re best mates”. As Jan is officiating at our wedding the four of us met up recently for an evening to discuss the proceedings. I’m still not sure how the discussion drifted into the advantages of owning a time machine followed by all of us barn dancing round the kitchen in our socks but we certainly had a lot of fun before the sun went down that night.

However I do remain a little confused about the don’t let the sun go down on your anger guidelines. In my part of the world the sun goes down at significantly different times during the year. As the sun sets much later in summer, sometimes as late as 10pm does this mean I’m allowed to simmer all evening? In winter the days are much shorter and the sun can set as early as 4pm – not even enough time to get worked up into a respectable lather. And what about anger that arises after the sun has set? Do I then stew until the next sunset? Blimey – it’s a minefield.

I am thankful that the future Mr Cardigan is rarely angry and very good at overlooking my many faults including some real ‘blonde moments’. On a very special holiday last year we enjoyed watching several beautiful anger-free sunsets over the Mediterranean from a balcony facing out to sea. It was so inspirational that I suggested we get up very early the next morning, meet for breakfast on the balcony, and watch the sunrise to see what that was like. He very graciously broke the news to me that the sun doesn’t actually rise and set in the same spot. Gutted!

Copyright Val Hill 2007