Guide to a Christian Marriage Service

Christians believe that we are always in the presence of God, so he’s actually there at every marriage service. At a Civil Wedding service there are no references to God at all – so the difference at a Christian Marriage is that we do acknowledge his presence and ask his blessing upon the couple in their new life together.

We also remind ourselves that the first miracle of Jesus took place at a wedding, when he demonstrated God’s lavish provision for us, and the fact that our heavenly Father is interested in even the smallest details of our lives. This is a timely reminder, at the starting point of a couple’s journey that they can pray about the small things as well as the big issues.

The Ceremony
A traditional marriage service begins with the Groom and the Best Man waiting at the front of church – usually at the Chancel Steps. It’s the Best Man’s role to look after the rings (and the Groom – particularly if they’ve been celebrating the end of his bachelor status).

The Bride enters the Church with her Bridesmaids and is traditionally escorted down the aisle – perhaps by her father or a close relative. Her escort brings her to stand side by side with the Groom and remains there with them, to listen to their Declarations.

In this country every wedding service contains vows and declarations in order to establish that the couple are legally free to marry and that they have come together voluntarily to be married. There must be at least two witnesses to hear those words spoken and who sign the registers to say that they have witnessed the event.

The congregation are given one final opportunity to speak up if they know of a reason why the couple can not lawfully be married and, assuming no objections are raised, and the couple themselves are still stating that they are free to marry - then the service continues with the Minister asking the Groom the challenging questions:
“N, Will you take N to be your wife?
Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her,
And, forsaking all others,
Be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?”

The Groom answers “I will”. (“I Do” is the American version)
And then the Bride is posed the same question. “I will” being the appropriate answer

The Congregation are then asked if they are willing to uphold and support the couple in the years to come – and hopefully they confirm that they will!

When the Bride’s escort has heard these mutual words of commitment he/she can then go and sit down, leaving the Bride in the care of her Groom. In the past, the escort (usually dad) was asked “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” That would be dad’s cue to put his daughter’s hand into the hand of her husband-to-be.

That part of the ceremony has been excluded from the Liturgy in recent years as some people felt that it related to a time when women were ‘owned by men’ and no longer appropriate. But it is amazing how many modern Brides are still keen that Dad should ‘give them away’ and see it as a lovely tradition to be proud of rather than an outdated ritual to be dismissive of!

At this point in the Liturgy the Wedding party (Bride, Groom, Best Man and Bridesmaids) and the Congregation might sit for the readings. One reading must be from the Bible but a secular reading or poetry can be included if desired, in addition to the Scripture. The Minister then gives a short address/sermon before bringing the couple back to the Chancel for The Marriage.

However, some Ministers delay the readings and sermon until afterwards and continue straight on with The Marriage at this point – the expressing of Vows and the exchanging of rings - because they feel that the couple are nervous and wouldn’t be able to take in the readings and address anyway until they’ve done their ‘bit’. Either way is perfectly legitimate.

The Vows are the highpoint in the service – and the couple face each other and make enormous lifelong promises to love each other and stay together through good and bad until the end of their lives. This is an incredibly moving moment.

It’s also a very brave thing to do. I can’t think of any other situation in the 21st Century where a person pledges to keep a contract for the whole of life with no conditions, no get-out clauses, no 14 day cooling off period…Yet we are delighted to report that thousands of couples every year approach the Church and express a desire to do just that.

Members of the Congregation who are married might be invited to be involved in this moment by silently renewing their own marriage vows.

The Rings.
A ring is a circle without an end, which is symbolic of unending love. The Minister asks God’s blessing on the rings and rings are exchanged with the following words:
“N I give you this ring
as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you,
All that I am I give to you,
And all that I have I share with you,
Within the love of God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.”

[Incidentally a person who wants to sign a prenuptial agreement can’t legitimately say those words – “All that I have I share with you” as the two statements would be contradictory.]

The Proclamation
The Minister addresses the people and proclaims:
“In the presence of God, and before this congregation, N and N have given their consent and made their marriage vows to each other.
They have declared their marriage by the joining of hands and by the giving and receiving of rings. I therefore proclaim that they are husband and wife”.

[In films this is where they say “You may kiss the Bride”.
We don’t say it – you don’t need permission to kiss your wife but it’s best to limit it to a subtle peck at this stage and save the passionate clinch for later]

Some ministers then perform a lovely symbolic ritual. They clasp the couple’s hands together and wrap their white stole (scarf) around them which is symbolic of wrapping them in God’s love as they say “Those whom God has joined together let no-one put asunder”.

Some Ministers then lead the couple up the chancel to the altar rail for the prayers – again this is symbolic of taking them away from their individual families in order that they can be established as a new family.

The Blessing of the Marriage
Then follows a series of prayers beginning with a blessing for the newly married couple and then including prayers for their family life together; that they would bring confidence and affirmation to each other; that their home would be a place of welcome and hospitality; that they would look to God for guidance throughout their lives and that they would be defended on every side.

The prayers come to a close with The Lord’s Prayer and finally there is a blessing for the whole of the congregation. The phrase that crops up repeatedly in feedback is that having those blessings and prayers makes it feel like a proper wedding.’

The registers are signed to conclude the legalities and the two newly bonded families are led out by the Bride and Groom as the wedding party processes out of church.

Guide to a Christian Marriage Service by NewlyWeds-UK is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial 2.0 UK: England & Wales License.