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Cohabitation
Dear Resident Reverend
This isn't strictly wedding related but I wondered if you could advise what the current thinking is among churches about non-married couples living together? Does the view change if they are engaged and preparing for marriage?
Are there churches which wont baptise people who live with their partners and what about marrying couples which live together?
Thank you
KCJ
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Hi KCJ
I think most Vicars are used to couples coming to book their wedding and giving the same address - it does seem to be a common practice now, as statistics show. It's hard for me to speak for everybody but I think most of us are simply glad that the couple have decided to take the step of getting married, so it would be silly of us to make a judgement on the fact that they are currently living together.
If you live in our parish and neither of you have been married before then we are legally obliged to let you marry each other in your parish church. If one of you has been married before then some Ministers will refuse to officiate at your wedding but often another minister can be found who will - or you can have a civil wedding and ask for a Blessing service afterwards.
Baptism is a different story.
The immersion in water symbolises drowning and resurrection. Baptism is literally a symbolic act of dying to your old life and starting a new life in Christ. So if you are currently living with your partner, and intend to continue doing so, then a Minister might well question what Baptism means to you and why you want to take that step.
It is not necessary to be baptised in order to marry in the Church of England and we would prefer you not to make such a profession of faith if you don't mean it. If you do want to be baptised then go and chat to your local minister who will explain the procedure. Whatever your domestic arrangements it is unlikely that a Vicar would refuse if you really felt, with integrity, that you wanted to make such a public commitment of faith. But some of the independent Churches might take a stricter view of this.
I just want to assure you that unconditional love means exactly that. There is nothing that you can ever do that will get in the way of God's love for you. Regardless of who you sleep with or whether you've ever gone through religious rituals you can always talk to God and open your heart in sure and certain knowledge of acceptance.
Hopefully you'll get a warm welcome from the Church reflecting this.
j x