CoE Wedding outside of the parish
by josh823 | 24 March, 2009 - 23:11
Dear Resident Reverend,
We have agreed with the vicar that we will attend church regularly 6 months before our wedding next August (2010) as we do not live in the parish. However he wants us to start attending from now -14 months prior - before he will definately book our wedding - is this right?
He is also repeatedly questioning our commitment to God in marriage and our faith - is he right to do this? I feel as though he feels we are lying about wanting to get married in a church as we are not overly religious so is making us prove this before he will agree - would this be the same in our parish church?
Comments
Hi Josh
I'm so sorry that you feel pressured in this way, so let me just go through the questions:
In your own parish church (providing you haven't been married before) you are automatically entitled to marry even if you don't attend. You are classed as parishioners and the Vicar has a duty of care towards you including a duty to officiate at your wedding.
If you want to get married at another church you have to become a parishioner. To do this you need to attend for 6 months regularly and you are then eligible for the electoral roll. It could be that the Vicar feels the need to get you listed on there before he can be confident of confirming your wedding date - which is why he is starting early.
Another alternative is for you to get married at a church in which either of you has a link - look up my previous posts on the new Marriage Measure for details - but it can be a place where either of you have been baptised or confirmed. Or where mum & dad or granny got married. So you have lots of choices.
Most Vicars are lovely people. Please don't be put off by heavy handed tactics. A faith is not something you can be pushed into and you don't have to make any such declarations. If you are an unmarried parishioner then he HAS to marry you.
Hope this helps
warm regards
Jan x
Jan Harney (Rev'd)
http://www.asineden.co.uk