Every man needs a wife because some things that go wrong can’t be blamed on the government!
Hello I’m Dan and as my cufflinks say, I am the best man. Can you hear me at the back? If you can’t let the silence of the people in front reassure you that you are missing nothing.
I would just like to thank you all for being here to share in Dave and Emma’s special day. Some of you have travelled long distances and I thank you for that.
Well Dave, I hope that you made the most of your speech, you’re a married man now, and that’ll be the last time you get to speak for 3 minutes without being interrupted.
Not having been best man before, I was a little perplexed and wondered how I was going to go about it; my wife suggested the internet be the first port of call, this bombarded me with a wealth information, including a useful list of duties. I was immediately stumped by one of them; ensure that the grooms face and hair are in order, well Dave I have to say that if nature couldn’t do it what chance do I have!
What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings and is now quickly rising to the very top of his profession based solely on his intelligence, wit, looks, charm and will power to push on where others might fail? A man who is beginning to distinguish himself amongst his pears where none can say a bad word against him? Well that’s enough about me... we are here to talk about Dave.
To make sure that Dave’s day went according to plan, I took it upon myself to check his mail, I need to tell you Dave that the carpet people cannot supply the carpet this weekend but you will get your under – felt tonight!
I didn’t know Dave as a child, but I think that this sums up his early years:
Dave was born a genius, something that he quickly grew out of:
(picture 1)
Any early dream of his was to be successful in whatever he did and own a Ferrari before he was married,
(Battered Landy photo) ….. So close
His first steps were unsteady and intermittent something that he regressed to last weekend on the infamous stag do
(Picture )
Dave was an early trend setter (Dick Whittington picture)
Something that hasn’t changed (Stag picture)
Obviously his make up skills need to be improved (ibble dibble picture)
When Dave was younger he had the pick of the local talent, Busty long legged Babes with deep brown eyes fantastic wavy hair. (sheep Pic)
Dave left the rolling hills of Wales for the bright lights of ………Reading,
This is where he studied for his degree but more importantly where he met the lovely Emma, (witch Pic)... Sorry Emma!
And he has been happy ever since (Bad smilie Pic)
I would like to say, and I’m sure you’ll agree, Emma is looking wonderful today, but she ‘s had a hard week leading up to the weeding, not many people know that she had her credit cards nicked on Monday, Dave hasn’t reported it to the Police yet as the person who nicked it is spending less than her.
Isn’t it strange how history repeats itself, 25 years ago Emma was going to bed with a dummy.
I forgot to say at the start that the hotel manager has asked me to request, for reasons of health and safety, none of you get up on the tables and chairs during my standing ovation,
So as my final wedding day duty which isn’t really a duty it’s a pleasure: (Raise glass)
To the happy couple, may their happiness be complete the marriage be long and prosperous and my all their ups and downs be between the sheets,
Ladies and Gentlemen, The newest Mr and Mrs Stuart, David and Emma.
