Every man needs a wife because some things that go wrong can’t be blamed on the government!

Hello I’m Dan and as my cufflinks say, I am the best man. Can you hear me at the back? If you can’t let the silence of the people in front reassure you that you are missing nothing.

I would just like to thank you all for being here to share in Dave and Emma’s special day. Some of you have travelled long distances and I thank you for that.

Hello I’m Bob, and I’m an alcoholic... Rubbish, that's Tuesday night.

Distinguished Guests, Those of Lesser Distinction and those of No Distinction At All. Family, Relatives, New and Old, In-laws and Outlaws. Friends, Friends of Friends, Freeloaders and hangers-on. Welcome To Billy and Karen’s Wedding Reception.